Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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