i was born a porn star she said
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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