We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
