I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
