In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
