i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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