Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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