He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
