ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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