Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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