Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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