I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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