Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
operation harelip BJ is a go
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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