im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
