He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
