U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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