i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
