Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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