need another drink. this is the easiest way
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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