im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
