Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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