I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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