Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
