She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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