If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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