just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
