I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
