You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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