remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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