I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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