doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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