I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
