where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
