hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
