there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
