She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.