i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me