he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her