So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
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who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful