Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.