Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.