just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pappa wants mamma naked
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.