i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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