I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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