it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
