they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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