I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
