You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
