It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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