You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
