Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
