I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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