do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
