Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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