if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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