Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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