ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
