My room smells like vodka and shame
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
