how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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