maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
