and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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