1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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