there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
