It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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